We’ve all heard the phrase “practice makes perfect,” but recent studies have shown that it’s not just about practice – it’s about how we view effort itself. According to Dr. Carol Dweck, a renowned psychologist at Stanford University, individuals who embrace failure understand that effort is a crucial factor in achieving success (Dweck, 2016).
But what does this mean for us as parents? It means that we have the opportunity to shape our children’s mindset about effort and failure from an early age. Instead of praising our kids solely for their achievements, we should be celebrating the effort they put into their endeavors.
Reframing Setbacks as Opportunities
One of the most powerful shifts we can make is in how we view setbacks. Rather than seeing them as signs of incompetence or reasons to give up, we can teach our children to view setbacks as opportunities to exert more effort and learn.
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that students who were taught to embrace challenges and view intelligence as malleable showed significant improvements in their academic performance (Blackwell et al., 2007). This research suggests that by helping our children see effort as a path to mastery, we’re setting them up for long-term success.
Learning from Our Mistakes
As parents and educators, we’re not immune to making mistakes. In fact, our own missteps can provide valuable learning opportunities, not just for us, but for the children we’re guiding. Let me share a personal experience that taught me an important lesson about fostering an effort-based mindset.
During my time as a teacher, I encountered a student who was fully capable of completing his work but struggled with maintaining focus. He often seemed lost, claiming he didn’t understand the instructions right after I had given them. One particularly frustrating day, I lost my composure and publicly expressed my annoyance with his behavior in front of the entire class.
Looking back, I realize this approach was counterproductive. It likely embarrassed the student, potentially damaging his self-esteem and willingness to seek help in the future. Moreover, it didn’t address the root of the problem or provide him with tools to improve.
A Better Approach
So, how could I have handled this situation better? Here are some strategies that align with our effort-based mindset:
1. Private conversation: Instead of addressing the issue in front of the class, I should have spoken with the student privately. This would have preserved his dignity and created a safe space for open dialogue.
2. Understand the underlying issues: I could have asked open-ended questions to understand why he was having trouble focusing. Was he feeling overwhelmed? Were there distractions I hadn’t noticed? Understanding the root cause would have been crucial in finding an effective solution.
3. Collaborative problem-solving: Instead of expressing frustration, I could have engaged the student in finding solutions. For example, “I’ve noticed you’re having trouble following directions. What do you think might help you stay focused when I’m giving instructions?”
4. Teach active listening skills: We could have worked together on developing active listening techniques, such as taking notes or repeating instructions back in his own words.
5. Break tasks into smaller steps: For students who struggle with focus, breaking larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps can be incredibly helpful. We could have created a checklist or visual guide for complex instructions.
6. Positive reinforcement: Whenever the student demonstrated improved focus or asked for clarification appropriately, I should have provided specific praise to reinforce these positive behaviors.
7. Regular check-ins: Establishing a system of brief, regular check-ins could have helped the student stay on track and given me opportunities to offer support before frustration built up.
This experience reminded me of a crucial point in our effort-based approach: it’s not just about the child’s effort, but also about our effort as adults to understand and support them effectively.
Dr. Ross Greene, a clinical child psychologist, emphasizes this point in his book “Lost at School.” He argues that “kids do well if they can,” meaning that if a child isn’t doing well, it’s because they’re lacking the skills to do better, not because they lack motivation (Greene, 2014). Our job, then, is to help them develop these skills.
By shifting my perspective from frustration to curiosity and support, I could have turned this challenging situation into an opportunity for growth – both for the student and for myself as an educator.
Remember, embracing an effort-based mindset isn’t just about encouraging our children to try harder. It’s also about us, as adults, putting in the effort to understand their challenges, collaborate on solutions, and model the persistence and problem-solving skills we want to see in them.
As we navigate the ups and downs of parenting and education, let’s be kind to ourselves too. Every misstep is a chance to learn and grow, showing our children that effort and improvement are lifelong pursuits.
References:
Blackwell, L. S., Trzesniewski, K. H., & Dweck, C. S. (2007). Implicit theories of intelligence predict achievement across an adolescent transition: A longitudinal study and an intervention. Child Development, 78(1), 246-263.
Dweck, C. S. (2016). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
Greene, R. W. (2014). Lost at School: Why Our Kids with Behavioral Challenges are Falling Through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them. Scribner.
Moffitt, T. E., Arseneault, L., Belsky, D., Dickson, N., Hancox, R. J., Harrington, H., … & Caspi, A. (2011). A gradient of childhood self-control predicts health, wealth, and public safety. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(7), 2693-2698.
