by Alexus
It’s amazing how much emotion can be packed into such a little body. As my daughter is growing through the “terrible twos” I am starting to relate more and more to the dramatic stories I’ve heard other moms tell about the daily emotional rollercoasters their kids experience.
Although my daughter saves most of her tantrums for at home (thankfully), we spend enough time with other toddlers to see a whole range of emotions in all different situations. My desire to help my own kiddo understand and process emotion productively has led me to do some research on emotional intelligence and social skills. One thing I’ve realized is that seeing other kids experience big emotions can be confusing and triggering for other little kids. Kids can pick up on emotional cues much earlier than we realize.
A few things I’ve learned are that emotions can seem like pretty abstract concepts at first, but identifying emotions as we see or feel them can be helpful in understanding them. When we can identify the feelings, we can talk about how to deal with them.
For example, at a group playdate two boys both wanted the same scooter, and resorted to a battle of fists, feet, screams and tears to see who would get it. My daughter ran to me scared by the struggle. A situation like that can be an opportunity to name the feelings of the other kids, and then follow up later with questions and explanations such as:
“I noticed you felt scared/unsure when the boys were crying. It’s okay to feel that way when we see others feeling big feelings like sadness or anger.”
“How did your body feel when you saw the boys crying?”
“If you want the same toy as someone else, you can say…”
This can help link emotional awareness to physical sensations.
Reading books and talking about the character’s faces and body language can be a very low-key way to help littles learn about emotion. Modeling emotions and reactions during play can also be a great way to show kids how to react and process feelings. We have a little princess castle with various princes and princesses. Using silly voices, we pretend the royals are sad, or mad, and then model the toys working through those feelings.
Another awesome resource is using real moments as they happen to label and validate your child’s emotions. When they get frustrated trying to zip up their jacket, you can say something like:
“I see you’re feeling frustrated. It’s okay to feel that way when something is hard.”
If your child isn’t too worked up, you can model taking deep breaths together to help process the feeling.
These little interactions are powerful for building emotional literacy over time. It helps kids become aware of their inner experiences and see that all feelings are okay – it’s what we do with them that matters.
The beauty is that by naming emotions for our children, we’re taking the first step in teaching them critical social-emotional skills like empathy, self-regulation, and conflict resolution. When they can identify “I feel…” It opens the door for them to understand how others might be feeling too.
The journey of nurturing kids’ EQ isn’t easy, but it’s definitely worth it. With patience, empathy, and an eye for teachable moments, we can help set them up for lifelong social and emotional wellbeing. And who knows, they might be the ones teaching other kids before long!
