As an experienced teacher, I’ve seen my fair share of classroom fidget toys and stress balls aimed at helping kids “calm down.” And while those tools can provide temporary relief, they don’t address the root issue – a lack of emotional resilience and problem-solving skills. True confidence comes from within.
Over the years, I’ve witnessed something powerful happen when children are allowed, even encouraged, to make mistakes. Instead of blowing up over a misstep, I reframe it as a learning opportunity. “What did you notice went wrong there? How can we approach it differently next time?” Suddenly, the venting, stress and anxiety dissipates as their brain kicks into problem-solving mode.
This approach aligns with research from psychologists like Dr. Sherry Cormier, author of “Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like Being Nice.” She explains that using a curious, non-judgmental tone when a child makes a mistake allows them to explore their emotions, ownership of the situation, and ultimately discover a better solution.[1] It nurtures emotional intelligence and resilience from the inside out.
As a grandparent, I’ve gained an even deeper appreciation for these teachings. I look back on raising my own children and wish I’d been more attuned to developing their resilience through mistakes, rather than shielding them from failure with criticism or frustration. That’s the gift I hope to pass down to my daughter as she begins this parenting journey.
My daughter is very conscious about instilling a growth mindset in her child from an early age. She celebrates effort over perfection and constantly looks for learning opportunities, even in life’s inevitable setbacks. However, I’ve noticed her put immense pressure on herself to “get it right” as a new mom. I have to remind her that she’s allowed to make mistakes, too!
That’s why at Junior Problem Solvers, we aim to not only equip kids with problem-solving strategies, but to also support parents in developing their own resilience. Our printables, workshops and activities provide scaffolding to turn missteps into teachable moments, without judgment. Because when parents and children alike can embrace mistakes as opportunities for growth, they alleviate stresses before they even start.
So the next time your child is frustrated over a tricky situation, pause. Get curious about their perspective instead of critiquing. Approach it as a team and new problems won’t seem so daunting. You’ll be amazed at the creative solutions they devise! That resilient mindset is what carries kids through all of life’s challenges.
Remember, EVERYONE can learn from their mistakes, and stay curious too.
[1] https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience-guide-parents
